It's My Life

It's Thursday night, and the deadline for LJ Idol is looming over me. What am I doing? Everything but writing. I'm washing dishes, debating whether spicy Italian sausage would make a great supper for myself, checking the never-ending stream of email that I get, and, of course, the most important thing of all, talking to brucetola. Okay, so the Italian sausage didn't happen, but that's a "blind moment thing" for another entry. So, this week's topic for therealljidol is to talk about my most annoying habit. I promise, I will get around to it. But first though, I have a couple of stories to tell you.



When I was in school, (okay, let's face it, and even now), I was incredibly bad about finishing assignments. I'd be doing something and it'd be going along all right, but then I'd find something else that was more interesting and my current whatever would be abandoned for the something new. I figured that what I was doing could wait and I'd get back to it later. The problem was, later just kept getting later and later, . And then I'd forget about it completely. I'm sure this gave my teachers and parents more than their fair share of grey hairs.



In late 1995, not long after I'd moved into my first apartment, I was listening to the radio. For whatever reason, I'd always wanted to be one of those people who called in and got to have their call played over the air. On this particular morning I was getting ready for class when they announced that it was National Procrastination Day I figured that on a day like that I'd give it a try. I called into the station and pretty much begged them to put me on the air. I said that I was always putting things off, and that I'd make the perfect spokesperson for this absolutely wonderful holiday. I think the thing that finally convinced them to put me on the air was when I said that I was the queen of procrastination. The DJ that I was speaking with said that if I was the queen then he was the king. I obviously was putting things off since I was supposed to be getting ready to catch a bus, yet I was at home, talking on the phone. I got my fifteen seconds of fame that morning though, and was thrilled to have the chance to record that radio clip. The tape of this is still around here, but I have no clue exactly where.



Now that those stories are out of the way, I think it's time to get around to the point of my entry. So, my most annoying habit ... Oh wait!!! I thought of something else to write about ... Okay, okay. So my most annoying habit just happens to be procrastination. There!!! I got it out! My motto has often been why do today what you can put off until tomorrow. Believe me, this has some rather undesired consequences, and you'd think I'd actually learn, but I haven't. I think I'll put this on my list of things to do, but at the moment, it's just going to have to wait. I've got an entry to post.

I first started blogging, (okay, I created my first blog), in January of 2004. My reason? I saw someone else's blog and I thought it looked fun. At the time though, I knew nobody else who was doing it so I wrote one entry and then let it drop until September of 2005. At that point, I knew a few people who were doing it so it became fun, and something I could share with others. Looking back over my entries from my beginnings until now I can see some definite differences.

My first entries were pretty much just little things. Funny stuff, (or at least things I thought were funny), and just rambling about anything and everything. I really didn't disclose anything personal about myself because I knew that (on Blogspot, and then later on Word Press), my entries were open to the public, and I really had no desire to put my entire life on the line for the world to read.

By the time I joined up full-time with Live Journal, I'd met several other people, and I'd started writing more things about myself. I still felt though that what I wrote about should be available to anyone, so I wrote only the things that I wouldn't be embarrassed about if they showed up in a Google search down the road. I did discover the filter options pretty much right away though, and figured that it'd be nice to see how they worked. I created a filter and began writing a series of entries about a situation that I was in at one time. I never did finish that series, but it was great to be able to write about it, know exactly who was reading it, and to get feedback on it. Admittedly, I based a lot of my filter criteria on what others wrote about in their LJs. If I was given the opportunity to read something that I felt was of a personal nature, I figured that if I was being trusted, they could be too. For all intents and purposes, this worked out really well.

Since that time I've created several other filters. To me, it's not so much that I'm afraid of offending others with what I say or how I say it, it's just that I want to protect myself. The things I write are important to me. I want and need to know that the things I'm writing about are staying exactly where I put them.

Late last year I felt that my trust had been violated, when some things that I'd said came back to me in a way that was completely unjustified and unfair. This caused me to re-evaluate the way I used LJ in so many ways. Sadly, my entries have most likely reflected this. Where I used to use LJ as a way to keep people updated on my life, in so many ways I feel that I've lost that freedom now. Yes, I still use my filters, and I update when I have something to say, but I don't know if I'll ever feel as free here as I once did.

To me though, LJ is so much more than a web site. It's a place where I've met many awesome and interesting people, and gotten to know people in a way that I just don't think would have happened otherwise. The best thing to come out of LJ though is getting to know brucetola. He has become such an integral part of my life in so many ways, and I feel that LJ gave us the opportunity to get to know each other as friends even before we ever talked or met in person. Despite the interesting times, to me, it's all worth it for that alone.

Although the way I journal has changed over the past several years, I've really enjoyed the opportunity to meet all those I've met, and to read all the entries that I've read over the years. I've seen people's happiness and excitement, disappointment and sadness. I feel like I've been a part of the lives of others, and I'm honored that I've been allowed to share all these things. I've been able to share my thoughts and feelings as well, and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

Best friends. They're the people you talk to, the people you confide in, the people you trust. I personally have considered many people to be my "best" friends over the years. From the time I was little, I had friends who I thought would always be around. We made plans that we were going to grow up together, go to college at the same place, and live together in an apartment. At eleven, eighteen seems so far away, and anything's possible.

I met my first really "best" friend when I was six. I was starting first grade, and the first words out of her mouth that morning were, "I'm seven today." Seven! Wow! To me, this was the coolest thing ever, especially since my birthday wouldn't be for another four months and it seemed like an eternity. She and I were constantly together after that for the first three years I was in school. Having gone to a residential school for those three years, I lived in a dorm. On and off, she was my roommate, and it was rare that you'd see one of us without the other.

By the time I got to fourth grade, we were both brought home to our local school districts, and although we kept in touch for a while, we soon just kind of drifted apart. We came together again later when we started high school, and occasionally we still communicate even now, but I feel that it was that time in early elementary school that really kind of set the scene for the future.

In fourth grade, I found a new best friend. We were both new students that year -- she was from Arizona-- and because we were both new we were sort of drawn to each other. I remember her coming up to my desk on the second or third day of school and giving me her phone number. From that point on, I think the phone became one of my all-time best friends, but if I'm not mistaken, we're supposed to talk about people here, not objects.  We were both kind of shy, and so I think we were drawn to each other for that reason as well. I only attended that school for one year though, and when I told my friend that I'd be going to another school for fifth grade she was really disappointed. Because I was attending a different school, we had different schedules. I got a longer summer vacation, which, at that age, means everything. I called her up on her first day of fifth grade with the intent of asking her how school had gone. I think that was really my first indication that she didn't like the fact that I wasn't with her. She didn't want to talk about school, and actually practically bit my head off when I asked about it. Things settled down after that, and by the time I got to sixth grade she and I were back in the same school again. I think by this time, she and I had sort of started to drift apart a little bit, although we still talked, hung out, so on and so forth. She'd made friends the year before though, and it was like I had to start over again in many ways. Sixth, seventh, and eighth grades are difficult for any kid, and fitting in becomes not so much a want, but a necessity. Even the smallest differences set kids apart from each other, and having a social circle pretty much sets the mood for the entire year. I wasn't one of the "cool" kids anymore. The exceptions that were made for me in school due to my large books, the equipment that I used in class, just the fact that I didn't do things the same way my classmates did them; all these things became cause for problems with the other students rather than something neat and different. It became harder to figure out who was and who wasn't my friend. During my seventh grade year I hung out with a person who seemed like she wanted to be my friend, yet she often did things that, when I look back on them, weren't things that a friend would do. I think I let things happen though because I was so desperate for friends. Sadly, this is a pattern that has shown itself again and again over the years.

The summer I was thirteen, I met someone while I was at camp. She and I were together for about 4 days, but it was as if we'd known each other forever. We shared so many common interests, from music to favorite authors, things like that. For the next few years we saw each other for two weeks at a time while we were at camp, and the rest of the time we communicated via phone or letters. No matter how long we went without talking, we were always able to pick up right where we left off. It's been eighteen years since we first met, and she and I still keep in touch today. We've both grown, changed, and have our lives, but we're still friends. We're living in completely different states, and we don't have as much time to talk these days, but, just like when we were kids, when we do talk and see each other, it's like time hasn't passed at all. To me, this is a true friend. A true friend, in my opinion, is someone who you know is there even if you don't see that person all the time, someone who you know you can count on during both good times and bad to be there, even if it's not physically, and to just accept you regardless of who or what you are. To me, there is a difference between a true friend and a best friend, although in many cases they may be one in the same.

Over the years I've definitely had several friends. Some have been closer to me than others, but each person that I've come to know has left me with memories. From my very early friendships to those that I've made more recently, I've discovered new things about myself, and about others. I've made mistakes and tried to learn from those mistakes. But the one thing I've noticed is that despite everything, best friends come and go, but a true friend will stay around forever.

As I sit here, contemplating what I'm going to write about for LJIdol week 3, I can't help but think about where I am today, and at this very second. Currently, I'm sitting here in my recliner, wrapped up in a blanket cold because I'm too completely stubborn to turn on the heat, despite the fact that I don't even have to pay for the stupid thing. I'm writing this entry with my keyboard on my lap; a keyboard that has no cord. My computer, which is sitting on a table on the opposite wall is accessible to me through the means of a program that takes printed material and puts it into speech so that I can hear what my computer is doing. Alternatively, if I were so inclined, I could use a braille display that would show me one line at a time, which allows me to not only hear what I've written, but also to read it tactually so that I can more easily check for errors. Okay, let's face it. Even the computer itself, a device that has come so far in the last several years is an incredibly large part of my life.

Technology. It's all around us, in the cars that you drive, the microwaves you use to heat up last night's left-overs, to the stop light that you hit when trying to cross that street. It's everywhere. And, when you think about it, it's really incredible. It's incredible because it's helped so many different types of people achieve their dreams, their desires, and just live. Without my computer and all of the software and hardware that I have and use, not to mention Al Gore's invention of the Internet so many years ago, I would not have met so many people from so many different places. I love to write, but I'm probably the world's worst letter-writer. Okay, so maybe I'm not the best email writer either, but believe me, I'm even worse when it comes to paper letters.

In addition to the social aspect of technology, there's also the more practical side, that four-letter word that we all hate to utter in polite company-- work. Technology has allowed me to work in the technology field, a job that, without all these things I use, would never be possible.

I'm reminded of a time about eleven years ago. I was nineteen, and I wanted to get a job. The job, if I remember right, was a data entry position. I had what I thought were decent computer skills at the time, and I was confident that, if given a chance, I'd be able to do a good job for this company. After walking into the building to apply and receive the immediate interview, the woman said to me, "You can't work here. We use computers." By law she had to give me the interview, but even then, I knew I didn't have a chance at the job. The one thing I did say to her during the interview though was that I knew that if I were just given a chance, I could prove myself to be capable of doing the work. About two weeks later, the same job was posted again.

What this taught me though is that you can have all the technology in the world and have people who just don't realize the potential that it can offer. Back then the technology was much more limited than it is today, but in my mind, I was the absolute best candidate for the job. Three years ago I was offered a job in the very field that I was told that I'd never be able to do; working with computers.

I am incredibly thankful for the technology that has allowed me to work, communicate, and have fun all at the same time. I honestly feel that this technology has done so much to help me in my life. I'm sure that if you took a look around you'd be able to see all the ways that technology has impacted your life, even if in only very small ways.

Hi everyone. I've made my entry in LJ Idol. I would appreciate it if you would go to this link to cast your vote. Remember, every vote counts, especially yours. Thank you so much.

It has often been said that a picture paints a thousand words. When
pictures are meaningless though, words take on a whole new dimension and
value. I am a lover of words, and always have been. As a blind person,
words were always my way of doing what many people did with colored pencils,
crayons, or paints. in my own little way I wanted to be able to paint
pictures with words, and help people to imagine, through my writing, the
same kinds of things that people say they can get from pictures. From an
early age, I talked incessantly, and, unfortunately to some, very quickly.
Today, this is still true.

As a lover of words, to me, it goes without saying that I am also a lover of
books. As a child I was always being read to, and when I got old enough to
read on my own, I think it was rare to see me without a book. I feel very
strongly that reading helped me to discover my love for writing. Writing to
me is therapy, relaxation, and freedom. Through stories, poetry, and now,
just writing random things here in my LJ, I feel that I have been able to
express myself beyond anything I could ever have done just by talking to
people.

Just because I happen to love words doesn't mean that I always get them
right. While trying to sound at least halfway intelligent, I've managed to
make some pretty hilarious mistakes, both in writing and in speech. It is
for this reason that I've discovered that one doesn't always have to use big
fancy words to get their point across or to write well. To me, it's not
necessarily all about the words that are used, but it's the way those words
are used that truly makes a good writer.

Throughout the next several months as we progress through the weeks and the
topics, you will continue to learn about me, my thoughts, my opinions, and
hopefully a lot more. I want to wish everyone who signed up this season
good luck, and I hope to get to know many new people through this
experience.